A Cunning Plan
by A Damned Scientist
Summary: And other things that may or may not have happened
1. Chapter 1

**A Cunning Plan and Other Things That Might Have Happened.**

Rather than keep posting them separately (as for Daffodils and Pulse Pistols), I thought I'd start a thread for Microfics I've written. I'll add to it from time to time.

Warnings and settings: Nothing nasty per se in the stories. Rating set as at least one story I will post has mild sexual content. Settings are all over the place, so please don't read if you don't want to be spoiled.

I'd like to Dedicate A Cunning Plan to Misaditas, who asked me for a Blackadder/FS crossover back in the summer. Maybe I'll write a longer one someday. Share Your Troubles was awarded first place in the 6th Terra Firma Beach Bash Microfic challenge.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in any of these stories. It's all for fun, not for profit.


	2. A Cunning Plan

**A Cunning Plan (G)**

What we need is a Cunning Plan.

Words: 101

Braca snapped to attention as the new captain entered command. The replacement for the disgraced and recalled Crais looked remarkably like his predecessor, albeit a little paler and thinner.

The new captain stopped in front of Braca. "I've read your reports on your pursuit of the escaped prisoners. I must say, I was really rather impressed," he said, his voice nasal and whiney.

"Thank you sir…"

"By them. What we need is something more devious. Baldrick!" The captain's aide, a, short, scruffy man, emerged from the shadows. Braca sniffed, offended by everything about him.

"I have," Baldrick began. "A cunning plan."


	3. Could Have Been Worse

**Could have been worse. (G)**

It could always be worse…. 103 words

"The Leviathan that escaped..." Teeg spoke excitedly. "It was the one containing your special weapons project."

Crais fingered his beard thoughtfully. "Interesting," he concluded, raising an eyebrow and a smile.

Rygel crawled down the service duct, exploring Moya's recesses. Emerging into a dimly lit chamber, he adjusted his eyes. It was crowded with leathery egg-like protuberances, each just shorter than himself.

His curiosity piqued, he leaned across the nearest egg. Creaking, the top split in four to reveal an opaque membrane. Then the membrane cleared, revealing a creature within, shaped like a large, bony hand. The creature moved slightly and Rygel peered closer….


	4. Share Your Troubles

Share Your Troubles (G)

"Is that all? I'm running from Space-Nazis with a black leather fetish," muttered John into his beer.

"Snap. Led by a psycho-babe with a grudge?" replied Roj Blake, doodling on the bar-top.

"Check. With a handful of criminals and misfits for company…."

"Yep, on a stolen ship, with a mind of its own…"

"And no armament...?"

"You got me there, John. You win."

Just then Aeryn leaned across from behind, enveloping John's shoulders in her arms and kissing his cheek.

"No?" asked John raising an eyebrow.

"No," replied Roj, sadly shaking his head.

"Then you win. C'mon babe, let's split."


	5. I Hate It When

I Hate It When….. (G)

Word Count 102

Another frelling unrealised reality, Crichton mused. But at least this one was a break from the routine. Nothing nasty or weirdly Sci-Fi had happened. He'd just found himself in what appeared to be mediaeval England getting blind drunk with a sharp-witted young man.

"Verily Master Crichton, thou hast shared some extraordinary tales we me this night," his new drinking buddy confided with a twinkle in his eye. "Death, destruction, betrayal, tragedy, impossible, forbidden love. I have truly been most entertained. I am confident my audience will be equally enthralled."

"Hey, what audience, Will?" Crichton demanded. But already Einstein was pulling him home.


	6. A Good Little Peacekeeper

A Good Little Peacekeeper (G)

Not mine, not for profit, not very long.

Setting: Some years previously. I think you'll instantly recognize when.

Word count: 100 (yes, I did deliberately set myself the challenge of writing a microfic as well).

Anyway, just a few words, rated G, what harm could they do?

Ignoring the warning from her pounding heart, Xhalax silently picked her way across the cadet dormitory towards the far corner. She and Talyn had kept their relationship secret for cycles, exercised the utmost subtlety and care in keeping track of their beloved daughter. But now, they had decided, that daughter was old enough to learn the truth. With a trembling hand, Xhalax reached out to wake Aeryn.

After Xhalax had left, Aeryn sat in the darkness, pondering what it all meant, before tiptoeing to the communication terminal to seal their fates. "Instructor Judasch? I have something important to tell you."

The end


	7. Christmas Present

**Christmas. Present. (PG-13, J/A Shippy)**

Setting, spoilers, yaddah, yaddah: PG-13 for sexually suggestive content. Setting/time is whenever you think it is set. This fic is best consumed with a generous glass of raslak.

Disclaimer: Not mine, not beta'd, not got the ink/inclination to write anything longer: Anyway, don't the best presents always come in small packages?

Words: 110.

**Christmas. Present. The J/A shippy version**

With a half-empty bottle of raslak in one hand and a predatory gleam in her eye, Aeryn backed John across the room until his calves were pushing against the bed.

"Merry…." Flamboyantly, she pushed the middle of his chest with her free hand, causing him to pivot backwards onto the bed.

"Frelling…." she pronounced with slow deliberation, clambering onto him and settling her eema across his hips with a wiggle, a raised eyebrow and a bite of her bottom lip.

"Christmas," she completed, jerking down the zip on her vest. John licked his lips. Aeryn leant forward, whispering huskily "I hope you enjoy your present," before her mouth claimed his.

Merry Christmas, Shippers everywhere.


	8. Miss Demeanour

**Miss Demeanour**

110 Words

Looks just like crispy Grolack, Chiana thought as she picked the Earth delicacy from the buffet, tucking it into her mouth.

Yeutch! Foul! What were the humans thinking, putting something so disgusting out at a party? She swiftly and discretely discarded the remains just as Rygel hovered up beside her.

"Found anything worth snurching yet?" the Dominar enquired, his phrasing partly an insult, partly a genuine enquiry. Chiana bristled momentarily and then a grin split her face.

"Nah, but you should try the Grolack. It's drad!"

Rygel indulged, gobbling appreciatively, whilst Chiana's imagined victory crumbled. She slinked off, looking for something more rewarding to tease, eat, snurch or flirt with.


	9. You Dont Say?

**You Don't Say (G)**

**Words: **102.

"So, that's a Drannit, is it?"

"UmmHmm. Although, actually, it's a group of Drannits. Rather than just than one."

"Are they always…. I mean, do they all….?"

"So I have heard"

"Cool. I can see why no one told me exactly what they were."

"Well, now you've seen a Drannit, it's obvious why, isn't it?"

"Sure is. Just one thing, though."

"Yes, John?"

"Shouldn't we, you know, leave?"

"I think that would be best."

"Now?"

"Right now."

"Okay. And one more thing."

"Yes?"

"Next time I ask what a Drannit, or some other critter is…"

"Yes?"

"Slap me. Hard."

"Consider it done." 


	10. Come Again?

**SC52: Come Again? (G)**

**Words**: 104

"I hear you finally found out what Drannits look like?"

"Yeah…"

"So, how'd you describe one, then?"

"About so big. Looks a bit like a couple of those things over there on the counter, if two of them were twisted together. About the colour of what you're eating, just a bit darker."

"And what did you think of their… you know… their….?"

"Unfeasibly huge. I wasn't sure whether to laugh, cry or whimper. So I ran."

"So I've heard," she said, sniggering.

"You know," John frowned. "I can honestly say I've never seen a critter quite like it."

"Same as always, then?" She laughed.


	11. Testing, testing, 1,2,3

Another microfic challenge on another site.

Words: 104

**Testing, testing, 1,2,3**

She'd been told to run the full menu of blood tests on each of the aliens. She had protested at the idiocy of doing so: Most tests were designed to look for specific human markers and wouldn't even detect Earth animal equivalents. For others, such as blood triglycerides, they would have no idea what to make of the results anyway.

Hence she was astonished when the numbers for Officer Sun came back indistinguishable from those for a normal, young, healthy human female, complete with an unambiguous hCG signal.

She'd have to run a confirmatory, but knew the suits would really want to see this.


	12. Buyer's Remorse

**Buyers Remorse (G)**

100 words

"~"

It was finished.

John Crichton had finally seen sense.

The Scarrans had been brought low, their forces decimated. Katratzi and the master flower had been destroyed. Save oblivion, peace was their only option.

He had lived to see Grayza, his only acknowledged living personal enemy, swallow the humiliation of knowing that he had been right all along.

He smiled triumphantly as he caught first Staleek and then Grayza's eye.

As she petulantly turned away, sealing his rejection by the Peacekeepers, he felt an unexpected purposelessness: he had achieved everything he had striven for. Why then did victory feel so empty?


End file.
